Here is another featured article from Gail Kasper--both a bhusiness associate and friend, Gail has plenty to say..
Top 1% Club Expert. As a partner and featured expert for the Top 1% Club, you are not only able to view many of my articles, but you will also have the opportunity to learn from Top 1% Club Mentor Gail Kasper, host of the new late-night television show Raw Reality, one of the nation's leading professional speakers, and a life and business coach. Visit the Top 1% Club and gain the skills you need to achieve your life and business goals.
Who gossips so much around here? ~Betty Davis
Avoiding a gossiping friend, family member, or coworker may be at the top of your priority list. If so, you're not alone, as most men and women spend more than half their daily conversation gossiping, gossips are rather plentiful in our lives. And what you need to know is how to escape one once they have you in their verbal grasp right?
To remove your self from a conversation with a gossip you must first consider why the person is a gossip. What is it that gossips gain from their behavior? Typically they feel some sort of social bonding, or they feel important because you want to know what they have to say. That power or closeness, to matter to another person is what they really want feel. Keep this in the back of your mind while planning on how to deal with the person next time you have a run in with one another. Sometimes understanding their motivation helps to let you know the best way to leave the conversation.
Ask yourself this as well, is this a person I do not mind offending? The answer can really make a drastic difference in how hard it is to escape the gossiper. It is much easier, for example, to avoid or escape someone if subtlety is not the name of the game and you do not care if you spare their feelings. Much more care is required if you want to flee the gossip and keep your close relationship intact. The following tips reveal how to deal with a gossip with sensitivity and subtlety.
Escaping while Sparing the Gossips Feelings-
•A general all around trick, though it won't get you away from the person, is to change the subject. Just move right along to some legitimate topic of news or discuss upcoming plans. Bring up anything non-personal that is light in subject matter and importance.
•Try asking the person a distracting question about something pertinent to the moment, for instance ask if they are thirsty, do they know when the next work meeting is, what they might like for lunch, etc. Bring up anything to focus them on the moment.
•If they have dived right into the topic, you can try this quick interjection. Start with, "I'm sorry I don't really want to discuss that…" and before their face falls say "…but I'd love to talk about ______." Fill in the blank with any gossip free subject.
•Another great tactic to avoid gossiping, while giving your conversation partner the bonding experience they crave, is to overwhelm them with compliments. Step one, ignore completely the gossip they throw your way, and then, step two, immediately start complimenting them. Comment upon how nice their haircut is, or mention how nice their outfit looks. Commend them on some project or activity of theirs. Get them to focus on themselves instead of the gossip. You won't get away as quick with this tip, but you will definitely still bond and keep your relationship positive.
•You can also attempt to reflect the gossip's opinions back to them. Say, for example, "You seem really upset or interested in this, huh?" Keep them feeling like you are listening. Then, hopefully, after enough of this reflective discussion you can attempt to politely excuse your self.
Those are most of the more subtle tips and tricks. Less subtle, but effective, ways to escape or avoid conversations with gossips are next. These are to be used if you don't mind losing a few friends, or if the person isn't particularly sensitive. To start…
Avoiding the More Irritating Gossip-
•This one tip works wonders, though you may really ruin any chance of getting along with this person. Wait until the gossiping person says something about another person, and say "Hey you know we should go ask ________ about that and see what they have to say!" You generally embarrass the person guilty of spreading the rumor, and yes they leave you very much alone. Keep in mind that they may feel anger at how you made your point.
•Excuse yourself, although this only really works well in a group setting. You don't want to be obvious about leaving, though if you do this regularly with a group of people it will be obvious. You'll become that person who's too good for the gossip. And though they are expressing the negativity, they may likely feel bad for being a gossip and so you may be seen as the "bad guy."
•If you're cornered in somewhere and you can't leave, you can try and ask the gossip to leave. Say you have work to do or errands to run. Simply find some thing to say you need to do which indicates you don't have time to talk. Though this may also leave the person feeling like you have no interest in them and what they say.
•If the person is really bothering you, and you just want to get out of the conversation quick, stare them in the eye after they release some random rumor about someone and harshly say something similar to "You sure that's correct? Sounds suspicious to me, perhaps you should get your facts straight and go ask the person themselves…" It's bound to make the person blush red or make them steam with anger and embarrassment; but you likely won't hear gossip from them again.
•To really communicate that you have no interest in gossiping and want to end the conversation you may try a phrase like this one "Hey, I don't know the person you're talking about, and I don’t want to gossip about them." You can probably guess just what the response to this will be; at the very least it won't strengthen your "friendly bond."
3 Tips to Live Free From Gossip and Rumors
Are you wondering how to keep gossiping folks out of your life in general? If you don't want to deal with them at all the easiest techniques are these…
1.Avoid places in your life that people congregate to "chat" about the newest gossipy news. Keep away from these places and you'll keep away from gossips.
2.Make notes of those people you've met who are indubitable gossips. If it is your goal to avoid all gossip, then you must effort to avoid going where these people are most often.
3.Don't gossip! This is essential to creating a gossip free lifestyle obviously. But its really true, follow your own advice and people will see you as above gossip. They probably won't approach you because they already perceive you as not interested.
That's it, everything you can try to escape and avoid a gossip. Take this advice, consider your problem person, and then try any of the tips from the two categories of conversational exit tactics. Of course practice makes perfect, but keep it up and soon you'll be a gossip free man or woman! Very often gossips have low self-esteem and feel valuable if they are the center of attention. It’s up to you to prevent conversational gossips from ruining your day with rumors! Time spent in dealing with a gossip is time you could spend creating your powerful life. To your success!
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© 2012 Gail Kasper
About Gail Kasper: Mid-1998, Gail Kasper started her business from a small one-bedroom apartment, in the middle of bankruptcy, with no money in the bank. Today, Gail is one of the nation's leading speakers, author, Top 1% Club Mentor, a television host, advice columnist, Certified Fitness Trainer, Ms. Continental America 2008, and the creator of SAD-T™ (Systematic Attitude Development-Technique™). A former Contributing Editor to Success Magazine with the "Ask Gail" column and host of the "Ask Gail" segment on the Comcast morning show, Gail is the author of her self-help autobiography Another Day Without A Cage: My Breakthrough From Self-Imprisonment To Total Empowerment and the self-help parable Unstoppable: 6 Easy Steps To Achieve Your Goals. With national media appearances that include Inside Edition, The Today Show, FOX Business News, and Oprah and Friends, Gail has earned the ranking of an in-demand national media personality who has been the topic of discussion on Regis and Kelly. The current host of the Philadelphia Visitors Channel, she has also made numerous appearances on network affiliates that include ABC, FOX, CW11, Comcast, and CBS, where she co-hosted the Emmy award-winning America's TVJobNetwork. www.gailkasper.com
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